Podcast 21: How leaders can champion self-care, reflection, and awareness

Through these difficult times, it’s crucial for business leaders to continue supporting their team members mental health, by role-modelling healthy habits to help their employees succeed. However, this can be a challenge for leaders who may have found increased pressure of workplace changes or uncertainty is negatively impacting their own mental health.

So today, we’re joined by Leadership Coach, Simi Rayat, who is here to share her expert insights on how leaders can maintain good mental health in the new era of work.

1. Before we start, please could I ask you to introduce yourself to our listeners?

(01:14) So my name is Simi Rayat, I am a registered Business Psychologist and Leadership Coach and the Founder and Principal Psychologist at Wellbeing Face, which is a psychology coaching practice that provides one to one coaching and masterclasses to help leaders globally achieve leadership brilliance.

2. So today, we’re going to be talking about the impact the COVID-19 pandemic has had on the mental health of leaders and how they can ensure their good mental health in the new era of work. To kick things off, please could you clarify what we mean by mental health?

(01:52) Yes, the term mental health is often used interchangeably with emotional or psychological wellbeing, but essentially, it’s the state of our mind or condition of our thinking, feelings and being. So, having good mental health is important, if not more important than having good physical health, as it affects how we think, feel, act, and the choices we make. It also affects our attitude and how we can cope with stress and setbacks, how we make decisions and the way in which we show up for situations and those around us.

3. Now, do you think the stigma around mental health, particularly mental health at work has been lessened because of the pandemic? Is this maybe one of the positives that’s come out of the crisis?

(02:45) Generally, I think there’s always been a stigma around mental health and a concern or an assumption that people with a mental health condition are not able, or seen to be able to cope and be as productive or reliable, or even perceived as being weak. And whilst all these assumptions about mental health are not true, so many sufferers of mental health conditions have previously not seeked help or have been very reluctant to disclose it. Especially to their employers due to feeling that they will be at a disadvantage or they will be looked upon unfavourably. But I think over the last decade, there has been a positive shift and change in organisations efforts to raise more awareness about mental health and the engagement in wellbeing related initiatives. And, many organisations now have dedicated functions related to enhancing employee wellbeing in their organisation.

I also think the stigma around mental health has certainly lessened more to an extent because of the pandemic, as it’s recognised that sustained periods of uncertainty, isolation, and grief lead to higher levels of anxiousness and depression. More people are sharing how they feel and what they are experiencing more openly on social media, celebrities are coming out and sharing their stories, and it’s definitely talked about more readily with many people working from home, whilst regular day-to-day in person interaction and socialisation has reduced significantly. And many people are feeling lonely, also very anxious and stressed about all the uncertainty that’s around us and what’s facing us in terms of future health, finances, and employment circumstances.

Globally, the pandemic has impacted everyone to some degree or another, and everyone has experienced a form of loss. And in a way we’re all grieving either knowingly or unknowingly, a loss that we’ve experienced. This could be a loss of a holiday, missing out on special time with friends or family, a promotion, career, or an educational opportunity and for some very sadly, a loved one. I think firstly, recognising that you have endured a loss during this pandemic and acknowledging what that loss or losses have been, is the initial step in dealing with any associated grief attached to the loss. Acknowledging, and then attempting to understand more deeply what the loss has meant for you, is a good way to initially manage your mental health during this pandemic. And secondly, being able to then share your experience of the loss by talking about it and expressing it to your family, friends, and encouraging them to share and discuss about their loss over the pandemic is also another healthy step to take.

4. Looking back through the past few months, what do you think have been the main challenges impacting leaders, which could have negatively impacted their mental health and how could this be manifesting in their day-to-day work?

(06:06) Undoubtedly, the pandemic has brought about significant challenges for leaders globally, and I’ve identified four key themes around the main leadership challenges that leaders have been facing during the last six months from the clients that I coach. And these include:

1. The frequency and pace of change and decision-making.
2. Navigating through uncertainty
3. Leading and managing remote teams
4. The blur and the blend between work and home.

And I’ll just share some context and detail. So, with frequency and pace of change and decision-making, the pace in which leaders have had to respond has been really intense, responding to how they will operate, how their products or services will be delivered and experienced by consumers and transitioning to working and delivering in a virtual environment. Despite all these efforts to keep teams employed, there have been job losses and a refocus and redirection of services or products.

Whilst all this is happening, new opportunities have also emerged, and leaders have tried to adapt to make the most of their circumstances too. In fact, some incredible things have also happened as industries and companies have revolutionised how they do things. So, just to name a few:

• Formula One looked at designing medical ventilator machines
• Teachers have moved their delivery onto online virtual platforms
• And restaurants have looked to providing more creative immersive virtual dining experiences and take out services that perhaps wouldn’t have been considered before

So, there’s been so many examples out there that really illustrate how effectively leaders have been able to respond to these changing and difficult times.

The second theme that I’ve identified is navigating through uncertainty, and this is closely linked to the pace of change whereby all the uncertainty that has come about has had an impact on the way in which leaders have had to respond to new environments and territory. It has been extremely difficult to maintain a level of status quo whilst rapidly trying to make sense of the bigger questions in terms of what does this mean for us now and for the medium term, what does it mean for our consumers, employees, shareholders, and stakeholders. The stock market has illustrated that volatility and level of uncertainty in the market.

The third theme is around leading and managing remote teams. So, while still trying to maintain team cohesion, it’s been difficult to maintain levels of engagement across the teams virtually. Many people report having lost their work mojo and are simply quite fatigued. There are also some significant challenges around maintaining productivity and engagement levels when working in this virtual way as well.

And then finally the fourth barrier being the blur between home and work. And this has never been so great for most leaders since the pandemic. For many, it’s been very difficult to manage this blend effectively for so long during these times, there’s not been a significant transition from home to the work mode, and the juggle between home commitment and work has become very interwoven and complex. The impact of these challenges on mental health for leaders has been very high, high levels of anxiety, stress and in some cases depression. Ideally to make significant business decisions, you need to be clear minded, well-informed, and emotionally balanced. However, our ability to make such decisions when our mental health is negatively impacted or affected can drastically impair how effectively we make those decisions.

Thanks Simi, some really great examples there of how organisations and leaders have been demonstrating their adaptability throughout this time.

5. And what impact do you think increasingly hybrid workplaces will have on the mental health of leaders?

(10:25) I think the future of the world of work is going to be an increase of hybrid workplaces where it will be the norm that teams and meetings will comprise both in-person and online. I think the impact on this for leader’s mental health will depend on a couple of factors.

The flexibility will lend well to those that have dependants to care for, those with longer commute times and even those that are more naturally introverted. By that I mean, they get their energy from spending time on their own to think and reflect, whilst leaders that thrive on being around others, those that like to bounce ideas and adopt a more collaborative style of working, will much prefer being physically connected and being able to interact with their teams in person. Similarly, for leaders that like to be in the know and in control of what their teams are delivering, this can be harder to achieve if the team are not all together, and could cause greater levels of stress or micromanaging behaviours from such leaders, especially if trust is not established or expectations are not set clearly.

To help hybrid workplaces run effectively, there needs to be some simple things in place. And I think these digital technologies and platforms need to be in place to enable this to happen smoothly and effectively. There needs to be clear and consistent communication about expectations of how the team will work together, make decisions, collaborate, and include those that are on and off site. There also needs to be personal boundaries identified and set around the best times for the team meetings based around the majority’s availability, as well as other personal commitments where possible too, with clear and open dialogue about how hybrid teams can work. It’s important to establish and tailor the way of working in this hybrid model early on. These steps will really help to ensure individuals mental health is maintained and nurtured to where it can be designed and delivered in a way that allows the greater levels of autonomy and flexibility.

6. Due to pivoting business models and an uncertain economic climate, many leaders are leading extremely busy professional lives in very difficult circumstances. Do you have any practical tips to help them prioritise their own self-care and thus better prioritise their own mental health?

(13:11) Self-care is important, and it does need to be prioritised. You can only help others and show up for others if you’ve shown up for yourself first. So, becoming really clear on what you need to do for your own self care is key. Take the time to recognise and identify what things help you to feel calmer, relaxed, and the most productive. Simple things like knowing what you need to do in the morning to start your day off in the best way. Is it savouring your much-loved coffee or going for a quick walk, a jog or waking at a specific time when it’s peaceful and quiet in your home?

Identify what times in the day you are at your most productive and schedule your most pressing meetings or decision-making sessions during those times. Have a clear end to your workday, and although many of us don’t switch off completely, it’s building in a ritual at the end of the day, that brings your workday to a close and enables you to transition into your family time or exercising or doing something else that you really enjoy.

A simple technique that is backed by scientific research, which enables you to manage your stress level by shifting your physiology, is practicing deep breathing. And the scientific term for this is diagrammatic breathing and it’s simply breathing in through your nose, so taking in a deep breath and holding it for four, three, two, one, and then releasing all the breath out from your mouth for six, five, four, three, two, one. And notice that exhalation breath needs to be longer than the inhalation breath. And by practicing this simple exercise for just 60 seconds at different intervals throughout the day has really helped leaders tremendously with higher levels of sustained performance, mental alertness, positive mood, stabilised energy levels, as well as calming the nervous system as it triggers your body into its relaxation response.

Physical movement and activity are also essential and good to release those endorphins, which we all know make us feel happy and energised. So, structuring your day and breaks and including physical movement even if you have very limited time, it may be perhaps something simple, such as jumping on the spot, skipping, burpees, whatever you feel will give you the most physical energy boost, go for it. It’s important to recognise that it’s okay to take a break, step away and recharge your batteries.

For many of us, we wait for the big, long break, so the holidays to recharge our batteries. But whilst traveling restrictions are in place, it’s thinking about the smallest daily ways you can maintain your self-care and recognising that it’s okay to take that break, step away and recharge your batteries. Being really open about when you do this with your team is also fundamentally important as you will be role-modelling the way for them to do this too.

Finally becoming clearer about what activities really energise you, as well as relax your mind, the activities that you do without really thinking too much about them yet, they bring you great joy. This might be dancing, reading, doing a HIT workout, playing human dinosaurs with your children. Whatever that may be, identify them and make sure you build them into a regular routine wherever possible.

Thanks Simi, I’d agree that taking a break is so important to ensure our minds are well refreshed so thank you very much for those insights there.

7. I know you’ve previously written for us about the importance of regular self-reflection and self-awareness. Could you tell our listeners what you mean by these terms and how this practice can improve mental health? Are these particularly relevant things to do for leaders currently?

(17:23) Well, self-reflection and self-awareness are key. Both are different concepts, but both support one another.

So, self-reflection is taking the foot off the pedal and taking the time out to think about how you have responded, reacted, or how you perceive a situation to be. With my clients, I use the dance floor and balcony analogy to bring to light the importance of making a shift from the here and now to the bigger picture. When you’re on the dance floor, in the middle of the hustle and bustle, there are good times and not so good times. When you’re feeling the vibe, we get lost in the detail of the moment, but it’s only when we take one foot off the dance floor up onto the balcony can you take a look around you and look down to really digest what is going on. And I term these moments, balcony moments.

Using this analogy is helpful for all leaders, because if we structure regular balcony moments in our schedule, we can reflect on what’s working, what’s not working and what needs to change. This insight can change our thinking, it can create new ideas and help to deepen our understanding of ourselves, as well as giving us the opportunity to see things from others’ perspective. We can only do all of this when we look at things that are bigger than ourselves and our immediate problem or situation. This self-insight is what we refer to as self-awareness, so this is really knowing yourself deeply, not just what your strengths and weaknesses are, but also what happens to us under times of stress and pressure. And this is when quite often our strengths can be overplayed, and we tend to start micromanaging others or becoming overbearing in terms of our behaviour on others as well. And often these overplayed strengths are referred to as the dark side of our personality.

So, by being able to deepen our self-insights and then use this data and knowledge to tweak how we prepare, respond, and show up in situations, is important. The most effective leaders have a deep understanding of themselves, their strengths, and their weaknesses, how their behaviour changes during times of stress, what leads them to optimal performance and more importantly, their impact on others. These insights are hugely advantageous to have and it’s a continual learning journey of self-discovery. We are evolving with every experience and this is where my coaching clients really gain the most value as they deepen their own awareness and use this insight to shape and elevate their impact on others. So, self-reflection and self-awareness, are very key, especially now more than ever. 2020 has been labelled as the year that changed everything from the way we work, shop, lead others, even the way we greet each other. So, there’s so much for us all to learn and reflect on and deepen our understanding of ourselves and how we can impact those around us more effectively in this changed world.

8. We discussed the stigma surrounding mental health earlier in our conversation, but how important do you think it is for leaders to share their mental health worries and experiences with others? Do you have any tips for our listeners who might feel uncomfortable or hesitant about sharing this kind of personal information?

(21:11) I think it’s important to share. If we don’t share, it only accumulates and manifests into a bigger issue and can lead to other avoidance behaviours. Everyone needs to be able to share worries and concerns with a trusted other partner, trusted advisor in the business or in your network. It’s not uncommon for leaders to feel lonely and isolated, and fear that if they share their worries and concerns or heightened levels of anxiety and stress that they’re experiencing with others, they will be judged as being ineffective or not coping.

I would strongly advocate working with a psychology coach, a trained professional who understands your commercial environment and has the in-depth, psychological coaching experience to help facilitate your thinking, share evidence with you on evidence-based psychological strategies that will help you through dealing with those worries and the challenges that you’re facing. And together you can tackle them in a very safe and confidential space. Again, it’s important to recognise that whilst you feel like this, it’s very likely that your peers and those that you lead, also may be experiencing mental health challenges, especially during these times. And where possible, make confidential, highly professional psychological coaching support available and accessible for those individuals too.

9. The pandemic and all the many pressures that have come with it may have led some leaders to experience self-doubt or even imposter syndrome. Do you have any advice for our listeners who may be going through this?

(22:58) The pandemic has put many leaders in situations they were not prepared for, or in new situations, and many have felt out of their depth. Many have had to do things differently and really lean into the discomfort of change. And when we lean into this discomfort, we do achieve the greatest areas of growth, but it’s not easy and it can come with some emotional pain and stress, worry, anxiety and countless energy. Whilst I normally promote leaning into discomfort for growth, doing this over sustained periods, and in very uncertain circumstances can make it even more challenging. And it’s important to recognise and normalise that leaders will experience self-doubt and, in some cases, imposter syndrome, during these times of heightened pressure and uncertainty.

There are several ways to deal with self-doubt as it’s not helpful, and it’s not productive. The primitive part of our brain called the amygdala and its purpose is to keep it safe, small, and hidden. However, when we want to do something different, something bold and courageous, our amygdala pipes up to a high alert and wants to keep us safe, small, and hidden. And this is when our brain starts with negative self-talk and destructive thinking. We’ll refer to this as our reptile voice and it’s important to be aware of what your reptile voice is saying to you. If you tune into it, you will notice we end up saying some harsh things to ourselves on a daily basis. These are our limiting beliefs and they hinder what we do, what we want to do and what we want to achieve. There are a few ways to control your negative thoughts or your reptile voice and I’m going to share with you four key strategies:

1. The first one is to really tune into your thoughts, listen to your thoughts for a week and record the themes of those thoughts at the end of each day, and then read through each thought and put a plus next to it if it’s a positive thought and a minus next to it, if it’s a negative thought. Then see at the end of the week, what percentage of your thoughts are positive or negative. I think you’ll surprise yourself as for most of us, our dominating thoughts are negative.
2. Secondly, for the most pertinent, negative thoughts that you’re having, ask yourself, “What is the evidence you have that that thought is true?”. Quite often, you’ll find there is no actual relevant evidence for that negative thought, it’s just something you’ve held onto for a very long time.
3. Thirdly, ask yourself, “What is the opposite of that original thought? And how would that make you feel?”
4. And fourthly, ask yourself, “What would you feel and what energy would you feel if you were able to replace the original negative thought with a super supportive one?” and see how that changes your energy and your belief. Additionally, I’d recommend keeping a journal noting down your achievements and how you’ve handled yourself through difficult or new times in the past. Being able to remind ourselves of these times and what qualities we draw upon really provides us with encouragement on what we can do again, and it’s a great reminder. So, a few tips and strategies for you to try there.

10. How can leaders establish themselves as positive role models when it comes to mental health, within their teams and the wider workplace? Do you think this will be important in the new era of work?

(27:03) Yes, I think this is important and the benefits are incredible. This could include at the start of a meeting, building in time to ask people how they are doing and what has been happening for them, making this a regular feature so the team expect it. Also, it’s about creating a safe space for your team to talk openly and share, whether this be with yourself or external professional support. Also identifying mentors or buddies is another good support mechanism if individuals participating can trust and have respect and regard for their mentor or buddy.

A colleague of mine, Jeff Matthews, a very experienced executive coach, and I, designed and facilitated a program of virtual workshops during lockdown for CEOs and their senior leadership team. And the purpose of these workshops was to help the senior team reform, reconnect and reimagine what the new landscape looked like for them as an organisation and as a senior team steering and leading the ship.

One of the best exercises in the workshop for the senior leaders were to ask for them to engage and share virtually an artifact that represented their experience of lockdown. And the purpose behind this exercise was to help others identify and connect with what they had experienced. So, we had some individuals holding up their journal, we had someone holding up a yoga mat, a bottle of gin, a photo of a six week grandchild a lady had not even had the chance to hold or meet yet. Someone held up a pendulum to illustrate how the journey has been up and down and how they’d been pulled from one direction to another. And then we had the CEO hold up his father’s funeral service and he took this moment to share the very sad news that his father had recently passed away. This was such an incredibly moving moment that he shared, you could feel and sense the emotional connection, empathy, and support from his team. He was courageous and brave to share his vulnerability with his team, and whilst it was extremely hard for him to share the news, it was so impactful for them all to see the very human side of him and his openness to share. And it instilled a level of trust and openness, which was a lot more than what was in the team before. It got everyone to connect at a human level first to acknowledge how hard it has been for some as well as recognising what some of the positives have been too.

The exercise paved the way for trust and openness, compassion, and alignment. All this had to happen first before the team could even start thinking about the organisation and their role as senior leaders. I use the analogy that COVID-19 has been like a storm and we have weathered it all in our own unique boat and experienced it in different ways. And it’s about sharing what was going on in your boat as others will only be aware of what has gone on in their own. They may make assumptions, but they will not know until we open up and share. The rest of the program was focused on identifying the current landscape and assessing the opportunities for the organisations. But this could only happen effectively once individuals personal and human reconnection had a chance to happen.

Thank you Simi, that’s a really interesting example of how leaders can open up to their teams who in turn will be more likely to discuss their mental health themselves so thank you for sharing that with us.

11. Now World Suicide Prevention Day took place last month and unfortunately, as we know, men are far more likely to die from suicide than women. Do you have any specific advice for male leaders who may be struggling with their mental health at this time?

(31:12) Men really need to seek help, open up and share. It’s an absolute sign of courageousness and bravery. The data on male suicidal rates are soaring, and it’s something we need to desperately address now. I encourage both men and women to seek professional help, open up and share with a qualified psychologist. Don’t wait until your mental health deteriorates and you feel there are no other options but seek the help early.

Proactively managing your mental health is like training in the gym. Our mental muscles need working out just as much as our physical muscles need to be trained. Seeking out the professional help will really help you realise you are not in this alone. And there is psychological support available with well evidenced strategies that will help you be able to talk openly with somebody that is a qualified professional to support you along the way.

I’m currently running a campaign called Brave Leaders. And it’s about encouraging leaders to talk about and share their personal experience of lockdown with others as firstly, it’s therapeutic personally to acknowledge what it has been like, the good and not so good. And secondly, being able to share this with others, encourages others to relate and learn about similar struggles they may also be going through. I think if we miss this opportunity to acknowledge, many people will hold on to feelings that perhaps will resurface in unhealthy ways later in life affecting their mental health.

12. What do you think are the three qualities that make a good leader? And do you think that these qualities have changed since the beginning of the pandemic?

(33:05) I think self-awareness and having a deeper insight is absolutely required because much more is required from leaders these days. It’s not just about creating the vision and persuading others to follow, it’s about connecting deeply with others and winning the trust, openness, and commitment from those that you lead.

I also think compassion and empathy is key, and this is about keeping it real. Connecting of humans first through compassion and empathy, even if it’s a tough message or a tough decision done compassionately and with empathy softens the blow, but it also enables relationships to continue. And finally, I think it’s leaning into discomfort. Before COVID-19, we had the liberty to choose when we lean into discomfort. And now during COVID-19, leaning into discomfort has had to become the norm. I think therefore it’s embracing it and valuing what it can mean for you and for others in terms of personal and professional growth.

Finally, I think it’s important to share that leadership is not just about title or status. We are all leaders; we impact those around us every day. Therefore, it’s about realising your impact and how you can optimise your impact in a way which brings you and those around you the most benefit.

Did you enjoy this podcast? Here is some related content that you may be interested in:

• Desperately seeking my work mojo – Last seen March 2020
• How to look after your mental health in a world of ever-changing COVID-19 restrictions
• How to prioritise the wellbeing of your people in a hybrid workplace
• Podcast 18: How to support your team’s mental health when transitioning back into the workplace
• Six wellbeing tips to help everyone phase out of lockdown
• Three powerful reasons why reflection is essential for personal and professional effectiveness